#44 Life's Like an Hourglass
A couple of days ago I wrote a sad post about Delilah’s health and since then I’ve gotten a few calls and texts from people checking in on us. We’re doing OK. I’m doing OK.
OK is different from “Fine.” or “Great!” It’s just OK.
Delilah seems blissfully unaware that the END IS NEAR and I’m grateful for that. She’s not ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge just yet, but she has been looking at waterfront property nearby.There’s really no point in telling her the bad news. She might have months left. She also doesn’t speak English, so might as well just skip it.
We’ve added two new meds to her already staggering regimen: steroid eyedrops to address a blood clot in her eye (likely from banging into walls and doors) and an antibiotic for a UTI (likely the reason she is banging into walls and doors). As I type this, Delilah is shouting at me to hand-feed her very expensive dog food that I splurged on at Whole Foods.
We’re doing OK.
One of the calls I got was from my friend, the medium.
My friend is a 50 year-old mostly vegan who talks to dead people. “Mostly vegan?” I asked. “Yeah, well, I’m a total vegan except that I eat red meat every 23 days or so because of menopause.” I tease her that she’s a vampire vegan and she laughs and tells me to blog about this today.
It probably goes without saying that my friend is also one of those people who has made it to the point in her life where she’s stopped trying to hide all her weirdsies and is just completely herself. This is something I aspire to as well. Not the vampire vegan part or the dead people part. But the other part.
Anyway.
My friend called after seeing my blog about Delilah and we talked for a bit about the nature of living grief — the kind of grief where you’re mourning the loss before it happens. Where you try and fight against the loss with action action action when really you might just need to sit still and enjoy the time you have left. Maybe order some takeout.
She tells me that animals have 2 main instincts: survival and love. Since most pets aren’t out there killing their own dinner, the survival instinct is satisfied, leaving only love. I like that idea. Delilah is a creature focused entirely on love*. I could learn a few things from her.
My friend says that a dead neurophysicist recently told her this:
“Eternity is eternal not because it lasts forever, but because it is timeless.”
Eternity, love, forgiveness — all timeless.
So, yeah. We’re doing OK.
I spent 20 minutes picking out this instagram filter. It's all fine.
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*She also told me our animals come back to us, sometimes jumping into the body of another animal. They have a connection to the before and after-life; they never lose the connection to love. They also often have charming accents! I wonder what Delilah will choose- I’m thinking British orphan ca 1839. "Please, sir, I want some more (treats!)"