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#39 Find Me a Find, Catch Me a Catch

When did having two glasses of rose and a bowl of popcorn for dinner start leading to hangovers comparable to that time I drank shots of Two Fingers tequila at a Frat House in Central Pennsylvania?

Is this 50?

I should also add that I stayed up a little a late last night watching Indian Matchmaking on Netflix.

I don’t watch a lot of reality tv — I’ve never been into it. Back in the days when Survivor was all anyone could talk about, I just didn’t get it. It all looked so uncomfortable and dirty. Literally dirty — these people were covered in mud and flies 24/7. No thank you. I’m not a Bachelor/Bachelorette fan. I can’t relate to the spray tans and destination dates. The latest craze of surprise dating/wedding shows has barely made it on my radar.

But Indian Matchmaking has come up in conversations with family, across friend groups, and on my social media feeds. Since I was just in India this year (AND THEREFORE AM AN EXPERT ON ALL THINGS INDIAN. COME AT ME), I thought I’d give it a watch.

Cut to 2 am. My god, this show is fascinating.

Smarter people than I have already published think pieces on the problematic parts of the show — and there are so, so many. Nevertheless, the stories are can’t-look-away riveting. The matchmaker is relentlessly calm as she deals with her clients and their (sometimes opposing) agendas. The overbearing millionaire parents of a dead-eyed singleton son berate the matchmaker for not moving quickly enough; she presents more than 80 eligible women, all of whom the son refuses to even meet. A type-A professional woman in Houston responds to a potential match with “Well. I didn’t hate him. That’s huge for me.”*

The thing that has me thinking today is how the couples got into the conversations about the “big stuff” with their potential matches really quickly.** They had to identify from the jump what the real deal breakers would be for them, beyond the superficial “slim trim tall” checklist. That’s something I don’t think I’ve done enough of in my dating life.*** I’ve always gone down the “let’s have a bunch of drinks and see what happens!” route. Throughout my life, well-intentioned friends have tried to set me up with guys asking “what’s your type? what are you looking for?” I never had an answer. I’m not sure I do now either.

But it’s got me thinking.


*While I thought she was pretty terrible, there was something in this really struck a chord with me. So, #teamaparna, I guess?

**One couple really only got as deep as “Do you like dogs?"

***I say dating life as if I have one. I mean, the last guy I had drinks with ended our acquaintance saying, “I’m definitely not attracted to you. And you have terrible clothes.” So, I think it’s safe to say we didn’t need to bother comparing life philosophies.

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