#18 And Laugh in Four or Five Paragraphs

How to Write a Blog Post

I’ve had a very packed schedule for the last month or so. Between travel (Mexico, California, Pennsylvania, and the Tri-State Area), work, storytelling shows, and moving to Brooklyn, life has been a little chaotic. My internal clock is off and my usual routines are almost non-existent.

So, I was really happy that today would be a REAL writing day. I’m off work so I have the whole day to just be my amazing creative self.

Last night, I set my intention to get up early, meditate and head over to the Wing to actually finish one of the many blog post ideas I’d been keeping track of over the last few weeks but haven’t yet written. I envisioned myself rested, energetic, and happily typing the day away. Hell, I’ll probably get TWO posts done!

Here’s how the day really went:

6:15

Wake up. Notice it’s raining. Roll over and go back to sleep.

7:15

Wake up. Notice Delilah the elderly Dog is also awake. Feel guilty, get out of bed.

8:00

Realize I’m standing in the kitchen staring into space. Where did the last 45 minutes go? Feed dog.

8:00

Morning pages, meditation, and more staring into space.

8:25

Consider watching that last episode of the Sabrina, the Teenage Witch reboot. You know, just while I eat breakfast.

Credit: Netflix. "We would NEVER let OUR Sabrina act like that!"

8:26

Make smoothie for breakfast, attempt to get ice from the ice dispenser in the fridge. It’s a fancy new fridge with many buttons. One is marked “ICE” so I push it, hopefully.

No dice, no ice.

8:28

Receive text from friend asking if I’m going to The Wing to write. Look longingly at the TV, feel guilty, text yes and make my way to the shower.

9:30

Leave the apartment, but meet the super on the way out and get involved with a 10-minute conversation/demo about the ice dispenser.

He’s sure I’m “doing it wrong” (i.e. not pushing the button marked ICE) so we travel back up to my apartment. After pushing the button marked ICE a few times he says, “It’s broken.” I say, “I think you’re right.”

This is not actually my fridge. this is the fridge from the empty apartment across the hall. This fridge actually dispenses ice.

9:45

Leave again. But remember I wanted to stop at that bookshop in Cobble Hill to pick up the signed copy of WOLFPACK from the event I missed last week because of a work trip. Head to the G train.

10:00

Arrive at bookshop and immediately pick up book. Spend another 10 minutes browsing and fantasizing about seeing my own books on the shelves one day.

I feel you, Karl.

10:15

Head to the F train, listen to latest episode of Imagined Life podcast.

10:55

Exit train in SoHo. It’s raining a little, so dig for umbrella and start the 3 minute walk to the Wing.

10:57

The rain turns aggressive, seek shelter in a retail store. Consider whether I could buy jeans in this store. Realize largest size on the rack is 8.

11:05

Head back out into the rain.

11:10

Arrive at the Wing, dry off, find a seat, buy a Kombucha

11:20

Settle in to write, but my arm and hand start to go numb. This has been happening off and on for a couple of weeks. I'd chalked it up to bad posture and too much air travel. But, maybe it's something else?

11:21

Tell friend who suggests I remove my bra.

11:22

Resist googling: "Am I having a stroke or should I just remove my bra?"

11:23

Go to ladies room and remove bra. Savor the feeling of freedom.

11:24

Take a work call. Think about how little I care about forecasting. (Financial, not weather. Weather forecasting can be helpful.)

11:40

Settle in to start writing, after a quick catch up with friend. Arm is feeling less numb.

12:08

Take another work call. Forecasting is still very dull.

12:15

Client call. RE: forecasting.

12:30

Work call. Thankfully, not about forecasting. But, still.

1:00

Lunch break. The Wing doesn’t allow outside food, so I order an egg/avocado sandwich called “La Bruja” and chat with friend while we eat.

1:30

Settle in to start writing.

1:33

Notice email from my building letting the tenants know that due to a plumbing issue, there will be NO ICE available for “a few weeks.”

1:40

Check Facebook and realize that Notre Dame Cathedral is ON FIRE. Watch fire video for a few minutes.

1:45

Settle in to start writing. Look through amazing blog post ideas.

1:50

Wait, where are the good ideas? I could swear I had more than this!

Ideas, in no particular order:

“Waiting for Lefty” - about the experience that made me break up with the Penn State Theater program. Has potential, needs a little research.

“Why Jet Blue Sucks” - self explanatory, who cares?

“Dogs I’ve Met While Traveling” - I’m very passionate about this, but will it alienate cat people?

“The Five People You Meet at Personal Development Workshops” - you know who you are.

“Mom/Hospice” - Again, potential. But, maybe a coffee first?

2:00

Drink coffee, stare into space.

2:05

Take Amazon.com survey

2:10

Email veterinarian about Delilah

2:20

Linked In stalk new person at work, text former coworkers to get scoop.

2:25

Receive scoop.

I can’t lie, it’s not looking good for new person.

2:30

Maybe I’m hungry again?

2:32

Buy a $6 European yogurt. Or it could be Persian. Hard to say. It’s called “White Moustache” and the logo is a white mustache. It has dates in it.

2:40

Strike up conversation with stranger across from me about the fact that Notre Dame is on fire.

Credit: GEOFFROY VAN DER HASSELT/AFP/Getty Images

Listen to her story about the 3 cars that caught fire on Laight Street last week. Or was it the week before last? All we know is it looked like a war zone.

Discuss fancy yogurt. (It’s delicious!)

3:00

Settle in to start writing. Scrap the “ideas” and start writing whatever the hell this is.

3:58

Research burning cars in Tribeca

4:05

Research White Moustache yogurt. It is not European. It’s made in Red Hook, by some folks who emigrated to the US from Iran. So, I guess it’s Persian? Persian-influenced? Does Persia still exist?

Due diligence.

4:43

Give in and google: “arm/hand numbness, bra?” leading me to a Canadian website featuring 2 hopelessly white guys mugging beneath a Blink-182 banner ad over an article entitled “How wearing the wrong bra can be bad for your health.”

You can't make this shit up.

I’m skeptical, but I scroll through and find this gem:

Straps Too Short or Narrow: Nerve Damage
This is a frequently unidentified cause of a condition called thoracic outlet syndrome, which causes weakness, burning and tingling in your arms and hands. Ill-fitting straps can put extra pressure on a nerve bundle called the brachial plexus

5:00

Realize that something has gone terribly wrong with the Wix editor and I am on 2% battery on my laptop. Power down and slouch home.

8:24

Post the blog. Think about dinner. Think about skipping dinner and just eating cookies. Watch Sabrina.

So, there you have it folks, the creative process. Ain’t it grand?

What’s your process? Do you procrastinate or are you hyper-focused? Has your bra ever made your arms go numb? I can’t wait to hear about it.

Comment below (if you’re on a desktop) or leave me a FB/IG comment….

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