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#2 Russian Dolls

January 19, 2019

Coming into 2019, I made a radical decision: No New Year's resolutions. 

 

It’s radical because, like many people, I have been resolving to improve myself annually, if not daily, since I was 11 years old. Usually, the resolutions are around my physical body. Specifically, the reduction of it through a variety of restrictive diets, cleanses, “clean eating” regimens, challenges, etc. For most of my life, the size of my body has been the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think of as I’m drifting off to sleep. 

 

Just writing that makes my heart hurt a little.

 

Over the last couple of years, though, I’ve been slowly, slowly, so slowly letting go of that obsession. Letting go of the idea that the outside is the most important part of me. Realizing that “improvement” is actually an inside job. And that job is way scarier and harder than any diet I’ve ever been on. 

 

I saw a quote (on Instagram, of course) that hit home: "My New Years resolution is to resolve not to resolve. To stop seeing myself as a Russian doll with better versions inside. To just be.” 

 

By the way, those “better” versions? Also, smaller. 

 

I don’t want to be small. My purpose in this life is not to be small, or play small. 

 

So, instead of committing to Dry January and the Master Cleanse, I’m committing to embracing who I already am. To step into my identity as a creative person, with gifts to share and love to give. 

 

 

God, help us all.

 

Cx 

 

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